


What Matters Most

by islandgirl



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Caring Eddie Diaz, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hurt/Comfort, Injured Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:26:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25418416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islandgirl/pseuds/islandgirl
Summary: Right now he’s content to recline against the mound of pillows with Buck’s soft snores breaking through the peace and quiet of the house every few breaths. As long as they are wrapped up together here, the world can’t touch them. And that’s what they need right now, Eddie thinks, running his hand gently over Buck’s back. They need the world to fuck off and leave them alone for a little while.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 232





	What Matters Most

**Author's Note:**

> This story picks up after [We Can Do This](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25159411) \- reading that first might be a bit helpful. It was supposed to be for Day 7 of the 911 Week Challenge (Free Choice), but life ... ya know?

Somewhere in the house, the iPad chimes with another notification. The refrigerator hums. The washing machine gurgles and groans. The dryer thumps away rhythmically. The ceiling fan above the bed clicks softly every few rotations. Just the normal, every day sounds of a home.

Everything else is blissfully quiet in the Diaz household, Eddie realizes, sitting on their bed with Buck tucked against his side. Quiet and peaceful.

It’s been a long day, exhausting both physically and emotionally, but everyone he loves is safe tonight. And that is not always a comfort he gets to have.

He knows he needs to get up at some point. Needs to drag himself out of bed and face the life waiting for him outside the cocoon of blankets. Chris will be home soon so there will be homework to do and stories to hear. The laundry needs to be folded and dinner started and at some point Eddie is really going to need a shower to scrub away the layers of soot and grime from the day.

Not yet though.

Right now he’s content to recline against the mound of pillows with Buck’s soft snores breaking through the peace and quiet of the house every few breaths. As long as they are wrapped up together here, the world can’t touch them. And that’s what they need right now, Eddie thinks, running his hand gently over Buck’s back. They need the world to fuck off and leave them alone for a little while.

Eddie is no stranger to life’s big, ugly, awful moments, god knows he’s lived through enough of them. There have been times he has been worried, scared, hell you could even throw in down right terrified. Whatever he’d been feeling, though, he’d always been able to shove it aside to do his job, to do what needed to be done. And while today hadn’t been any different, the aftermath, he’ll admit, has left him feeling off-kilter.

Last time Buck was in danger, leg pinned beneath a fire truck, coughing up blood on the back patio, caught in a tsunami, Eddie had been there for Buck … as a friend. Best friends with just that spark of something _more_ flickering between them.

Now though, Buck is his … everything. Buck and Christopher are his heart, his whole world. If anything ever happens to them … the thought leaves him breathless. So pulling Buck out of that window today, hearing that ungodly scream tear from his lips before he passed out in Eddie’s arms, it stretched Eddie’s control so thin it nearly snapped.

A tremor runs through Eddie’s fingers as the memory of that scream echoes in his ears.He skates his hand softly up and down Buck’s side, more for his own comfort than Buck’s. As long as he’s resting and is comfortable, that’s all that matters to Eddie.

When they eased him in to bed an hour ago, Buck had been restless and uncomfortable until Eddie had settled in next to him. It’s not the most comfortable position he’s ever been in, half reclined against the mound of pillows Buck loves to keep on the bed, but it’s definitely not the worst. Buck is laying next to him, half on his side, nestled in a hoodie with only part of his face and a tuft of hair peeking out of the top. He’s got his head half on the pillows and half pressed into Eddie’s belly, one arm tucked up to his chest, holding the blankets while the other is slung across Eddie’s hips. Beneath the covers, Eddie can feel the hard lines of the leg brace pressed against his own.

Despite the muscle relaxers and the pain meds and the light sedative wearing off, Buck hadn’t found sleep all that easily. He likes to sleep on his side or stomach, both hard to do with a full leg brace on. He also likes to curl around Eddie, also hard to do when mobility is hampered. So he’d shifted and grumbled and shifted some more until he’d finally found sleep. Eddie’s not sure if he actually got comfortable or if the meds finally knocked him out the rest of the way. He’s not about to move though and disturb him. Buck has been through enough today.

* * *

_Buck stays unconscious until they are loading him into the ambulance. Eddie is just climbing in to receive the gurney when Buck lets out a soft moan, body jostling with the movement of the gurney being locked into place. Hen jumps in from the back while Chim enters from the side door. In front of them, Buck moans again, head rolling the slightest, hands twitching._

_“Easy Buckaroo,” Hen hums as she pulls out shears and starts cutting through the thick fabric of Buck’s turnout gear. He’d been stripped of everything else before they got him on the gurney except for the pants and boots. Eddie had warned them about his leg, unable to disguise the fear in his voice._

_Chim is busy grabbing leads for the heart monitor and getting the oxygen mask that he doesn’t realize that Buck’s eyes are blinking open. Eddie does though. His eyes have been pinned to Buck’s face since they got him in the back of the ambulance. He blinks sluggishly, eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling. A pit of worry opens up in Eddie’s gut._

_“Buck,” Eddie reaches out, settling a hand on Buck’s arm. He was an army medic, he’s no slouch. He can hold his own in the back of an ambulance, he knows he could be doing something right now, probably should be doing something right now. But it’s Buck…_

_Suddenly Buck’s face tightens up, whole body tensing even as he turns to look at Eddie. There’s a flash of recognition there before its swallowed up completely. It’s like Buck and pain were in a race and it’s just now catching up to him in consciousness. That’s the only warning Eddie gets before Buck arches up on the gurney, a scream tearing from his lips. It’s instinct. His body is in agony and will do anything to stop it._

_Hen drops the shears so she doesn’t cut him and tries to pin his hips down while Chim grabs on to his shoulders. Eddie feels useless for a moment until he realizes that Buck is grabbing his arm, fingers digging in to the flesh like Eddie is his lifeline. His eyes are wild, glittering with fear and pain, but they are staring right at Eddie even as he lets out another cry._

_“My leg,” Buck croaks out, whole body shaking in their grips. “Oh god, Eddie. My leg.”_

_It hits Eddie like a freight train. Oh god, it’s Buck’s_ leg _. The pit in his stomach is threatening to swallow him whole. Because what Buck went through the first time wasn’t bad enough, now he has to deal with another injury to the same leg? It wasn’t just pain in his eyes. No, Buck was terrified._

_“I’ve got you, Buck,” Eddie forces his tongue work, to say something. He leans forward over the gurney so that he’s all Buck can see, and plants both of his hands on Buck’s shoulders. Buck’s hands grab onto his forearms. “I’m right here. I got you. We got you.”_

_Chim releases his hold, backing up a little. He flicks a glance over to Hen who follows his lead. She picks up the shears and finishes cutting away the last of the material, revealing Buck’s leg from ankle to hip. It’s not a pretty sight at all. In fact, it makes Eddie’s stomach flip uncomfortably._

_It looks as if his thigh and lower leg are two puzzle pieces that don’t quite fit together right, the joint deformed and bulging out to the side. Dislocated knee._

_“Eddie,” Buck’s pleading voice snaps Eddie’s attention back to him. “How bad? My leg, Eddie. I can’t- Is it- it hurts, I-”_

_Buck can’t keep a thought long enough to speak it, voice giving out to gasps and wheezes as he trembles on the gurney. Chim slips the oxygen mask over Buck’s face, holding it in place when he thrashes his head once again in panic._

_“Deep breath, Buckaroo. Need you to take some deep breaths,” Chim tells him, voice pitched just a hair louder than normal as he struggles to break through Buck’s panic. When Buck sucks in a weak breath, eyes floating up to find his face, Chim gives him a reassuring smile. “That’s it kid, we got ya. Another deep breath, bud.”_

_“Let’s get this leg splinted and get him to the ER,” Hen tells them. “Eddie, switch with Chim?”_

_And bless Henrietta Wilson for being the kindest, most observant woman ever. She knows Eddie is perfectly capable of helping her splint up a leg. But she also knows that this is Buck and Eddie isn’t quite thinking like a medic right now. She’s gracefully giving him an out and he’s smart enough to take it. Eddie nods, starting to move his hands, when Buck starts thrashing his head again._

_“Easy, Buck. Easy. I’m staying right here,” Eddie tells him, hands squeezing just the slightest. “You’re doing good, Buck. Chim and Hen just need to splint your leg. You’re okay.”_

_“How bad?” Buck asks again, voice muffled by the oxygen mask._

_Eddie isn’t sure how to answer that, but he knows that he can’t lie. Buck won’t believe him if Eddie says he’s going to be fine. He’s also not sure Buck can handle any bad news right now. He’s teetering on the edge of a panic attack, if he isn’t already in the midst of one, and Eddie’s not sure how much stress his body can handle today. It’s been through enough._

_“Looks like your knee is dislocated,” Eddie tells him softly, leaning down so his face is as close to Buck’s as he can get._

_“You’ve got a good pulse and good capillary refill in your foot, Buck,” Hen calls out from the end of the gurney, her offer of support._

_Eddie loves her for trying, but knows that Buck isn’t hearing any of it. He can see all the emotions play across Buck’s face, brow pitching down, tears spilling out of the corners of his eyes, lips trembling. He’s scared, Eddie can see it clear as day. Of course he is, they both know how bad a dislocated knee can get. Muscle and ligament damage, torn blood vessels, damaged nerves … there’s a laundry list of complications, each one equally terrifying, each one something that could effectively end his ability to be a firefighter. After all he went through the first time, he might still lose it._

_Buck lets out a soft groan, head turning to press against Eddie’s forearm as he lets out a soft stream of “oh god my leg, Eddie, my leg, my leg”._

* * *

It had taken them a while, and a dose of Diazepam, to get Buck calmed down in the ER. Even sedated, he just kept looking at Eddie with wide, terrified eyes. And there was nothing Eddie could do except squeeze his hand reassuringly every time. It ate him up inside that there were no reassurance he could give to Buck, no magic words to make any of it better. So he did the one thing he knew how to do, he stayed. Eddie wrapped his hand around Buck’s and refused to be moved from his side. It helped that they knew some of the nurses, Eddie knew it wasn’t all his pointed glare that got him unlimited access. They let him accompany Buck wherever he needed to go in the hospital, always next to the gurney and Buck’s side.

It was a long afternoon of both rushing, then the long hospital game of waiting. There were x-rays taken and in-depth scans done and all sorts of tests ordered. There were an awful few moments of Eddie trying to keep Buck distracted while they reduced his knee and kneecap back into place.Then more scans and tests. Eddie stayed by his side through it all, as far as they would let him go.At some point, Hen snuck back to Buck’s room with a change of clothes for both of them and took Eddie’s turnout gear. Buck had been at his MRI then so she’d just pulled Eddie into a quick hug and told him that everyone sent their love. Then it was back to waiting.

Given what happened, Buck was very lucky, the doctor told them. No vessel damage. No nerve damage. Some minor tearing in the ligaments which should heal on their own. Buck will need physical therapy to regain strength in that leg once again, but there was no reason to think he couldn’t come back from this. The news was a relief to Eddie, but there had still been a skeptical look on Buck’s face when the doctor stepped out of the room, like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. And why wouldn’t he? Last time he was laid up with an injury, it came with a hell of a lot of complications, health and otherwise. It broke Eddie’s heart to see that look.

Buck is okay, Eddie reminds himself, taking a deep breath. He presses a kiss to the top of Buck’s hoodie covered head, letting his lips linger there. He just needs to soak in this moment for a few seconds longer, to remind himself that Buck is safe, that Buck is alive. Despite the fear and the worry and anxiety gnawing at his gut all afternoon, Buck will come out on the other side of this. He just needs to hold Buck close for another moment and then he’ll be fine. If Eddie’s hands shake the slightest and his eyes burn with tears, well no one is around to witness it as he grounds himself and pulls himself back together.

* * *

On the bedside table, Eddie’s phone buzzes with a new message. Buck doesn’t even flinch at the noise, for which Eddie is grateful. He carefully turns enough to reach it and pull up the message. Carla. She’s got Christopher. They are on their way home. That should be his cue to get up and start moving. He’s got maybe thirty minutes before a hungry, talkative eight year old bounds into the house and if he doesn’t have something at least started, they’ll end up having pizza for dinner. Again.

Another message comes through.

Bless Carla and her forethought, he thinks as he reads the message. She made them dinner. Just needs to be reheated.

Eddie sighs in relief, a brief burn of tears flashing over his eyes before he blinks them away. He’d text her from the hospital a few hours ago, giving her a Buck update and asking if she could pick up Christopher from his after school activities today. He’d never expected that request to come with a meal. Then again, a lot of things with Carla were unexpected but always appreciated.

So Carla has blessed him with a few more minutes in the bubble. Just enough for Buck to scrunch up his face and press into Eddie’s side a little further. He makes a soft mewl reminding Eddie more of a kitten than his boyfriend. He smiles down at him, running a hand softly over his head, pushing the hood back to see his face better.

“You okay?” he asks quietly, just in case Buck isn’t actually awake.

Two blue eyes, heavy with sleep, peep up at him from the covers. Buck lets out a soft sigh, turning his head slightly so he’s not buried beneath the comforter. “How long was I asleep?”

“About an hour,” Eddie murmurs.

Buck’s brow furrows in thought, mind sluggish from the pain meds. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Eddie smiles at him, throat tightening. “I’m fine, Buck. Just worried about you.”

Eddie drops another kiss to the top of Buck’s head, breathing deep. _He’s okay, he’s okay, he’s okay,_ his mantra playing on a loop in the back of his mind. Buck’s eyes flick up to him, a knowing look in their sleepy depths. He knows Eddie too well, knows how much this has shaken him to his core and he’ll need to have his boys extra close the next few days until that terror singing through his soul dies down again.

“‘m okay,” Buck murmurs into Eddie’s side. “With you, ‘m good.”

“Yeah, you’re good,” Eddie repeats softly.

Buck opens his mouth again, the words dying on his lips as he blinks heavily. Eddie chuckles softly, running his thumb along Buck’s brow.

“Chris’ll be home soon,” Eddie offers instead. “Carla made dinner for us. You hungry?”

Buck makes a noncommittal shrug, humming in contentment as Eddie’s thumb makes another pass over his forehead. The soft, soothing touch makes his eyes droop a little further. He sighs, leaning in to Eddie just a little more.

“Love you,” Buck murmurs as his eyes drop closed.

Eddie’s fingers never cease their movements, tracing over his forehead, down his jaw, then back up to his temples before starting again. “Love you too,” he murmurs, lips pressing to the top of Buck’s head.

* * *

When he’s sure Buck has dropped off to sleep again, Eddie gently eases his body out of the bed. It’s no small feat, but he manages to extract himself from Buck’s arm around his waist and slide a pillow under his face where Eddie’s hip had been. It’s not perfect and Buck grumbles, but he never wakes up. It’s not that he wants to leave Buck’s side, he just knows that he has to head Christopher off before he barrels in and clambers up on to the bed.

Christopher loves Buck and is always excited to see him, even more so than Eddie sometimes, which ouch, but Eddie gets it; he’s just dad and Buck is … well it’s his Bucky. Even when Buck moved in there were days Christopher would come home from school or they would come in from shift and Christopher would act like he hadn’t seen Buck in weeks. So he knows the kid is going to be excited and while normally Buck would be just as cheerful, today he’s … well he’ll be happy when he’s conscious.

So Eddie makes himself a cup of coffee and heads out to the front porch to wait. This is the worst part of parenting, Eddie thinks. Some people will say it’s the rebellious teenage years or having to let their kids go when they grow up. No, for Eddie, it’s having to break bad news to them. Not bad news, bad is not going to a friends house; no this is awful news, when you have to tell them someone they love is hurt. Eddie has had to tell Christopher this way too many times in his short life.

When Carla’s car pulls up, he can already see Christopher scrambling to get unbuckled from the backseat. It’s only a moment before he’s got his arms full of his son, squeezing him just a little tighter in anticipation. When he pulls back, Christopher is smiling at him, glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose just a bit.

“Hey, buddy. How was your day,” Eddie asks, pull his backpack from the backseat.

“Good. I got all the questions right on my science homework so I got a dinosaur sticker,” Christopher points to the crinkled and peeling at the edges sticker on his shirt of a cartoon T-Rex with the words ‘You are Dino-mite’ under it. He grins proudly.

“That’s amazing. Good job, I’m so proud of you.”

“Where’s Buck? I wanna show him.”

Eddie runs a hand over Chris’s head and plants a kiss there. “He’s inside, buddy.” When Chris moves to head for the door, Eddie knows he’s gotta speed this up. “Wait Chris.”

Christopher turns to look at him and his smile starts to fade at the edges.

“Buck’s sleeping right now, Superman. He, uh,” Eddie takes a breath and squats down so he’s eye level with Christopher. It’s important that Chris can see him, see he’s being open and honest. He swore he’d never lie to his kid and so far he’s stuck to that promise. “He hurt his leg at work today, bud, so he’s resting.”

Christopher’s eyes go wide and worried. Eddie had tried to shield him from the worst of Buck’s injury last time, but he still knew that Buck had been hurt, bad. He was a smart kid, he picked up on a lot of things. He knew Buck was in the hospital. He knew how long Buck had a cast on, was on crutches. He knew Buck wasn’t around as much and how long it took for Buck to get back to being his Bucky. And Eddie knew how much it broke Christopher’s heart to see his Buck hurt.

“It’s not like last time, Christopher. He’s going to be okay. Buck’s got a big brace on his leg and some crutches for a few weeks, then some physical therapy, but he’s going to be okay.”

Eddie pulls Christopher to him, holding him close. He can feel those little hands clench in the back of his shirt and hold on tight. It doesn’t feel like enough, doesn’t feel like enough comfort to just tell Christopher that it’s going to be okay, but he doesn’t know what else to say. He doesn’t know how to tell Christopher that he sat there as the doctors checked Buck’s leg over and over and over again, double and triple checked everything because this was Buck’s reconstructed leg and they just couldn’t take any chances with it.

He can’t say that to his kid, so he just presses another kiss to Christopher’s temple and murmurs “He’s going to be okay, buddy.”

After a moment, Christopher pulls away, little hands rubbing furiously as his eyes. “Okay.”

“We just have to be a little extra careful around him until he starts feeling better, okay?”

“Maybe you can start with dinner in bed?” Carla speaks up for the first time. She’s leaning against the side of the car holding a thermal bag in hand.

“Carla made lasagna for dinner,” Christopher sniffles.

“That sounds amazing,” Eddie sighs. “Thank you.”

“Anything for my boys.” She hands over the bag with a smile. “Give Buckaroo my love. Call if you need anything.” She gives Eddie a quick hug, then swoops down for one from Christopher before she’s off.

Eddie guides Christopher into the house, talking quietly. He’s pretty sure Buck is knocked out, but just in case, he doesn’t want their voices to carry and wake him up. He needs the rest. Eddie pops the pan in the oven per Carla’s list of instructions and is mulling over just how much he owes the woman when he realizes it’s far too quiet in the house and Christopher is nowhere in sight.

Creeping quietly back the hallway, Eddie peeks into their bedroom. On the bed, Chris has climbed up next to Buck, laying down in the spot Eddie had vacated. He’s got his head resting on a pillow facing Buck, who is blinking his eyes open blearily. The moment he recognizes Chris, however, a sleepy smile stretches across his face. He’s blinking heavily even as he reaches a hand out and loops an arm around him in a half-way hug.

“Hey buddy,” Buck murmurs. “How was school today?”

Christopher shuffles closer on the bed, mindful of Buck’s leg. “I got a sticker,” he whispers to Buck, like it’s a secret. “I got all the questions right on my science homework.”

Buck’s reaction is a bit delayed, but a wide smile spreads across his face. “That’s fantastic. ‘m so proud of you.”

Christopher looks contemplative for a moment, looking at Buck then at his hand on the bed between them. Slowly, he peels the sticker off his shirt and places it on Buck’s hand, right over the band-aid where his IV had been. He gives it a little tap to keep the edges in place before he looks up at Buck with a beaming smile.

“You’re dino-mite.”

Buck looks at the sticker, eyes getting glassy with tears, but when Chris speaks, he lets out a choked up laugh. The quiet tension that hovered in the house all evening snaps with one glorious sound. Eddie can feel a weight sliding free of his shoulders. He can see something in Buck shift too as he brings a hand up to wipe at his face.

Eddie steps into the room then, smile tugging at his lips as he watches his boys. “What’s this? You starting the slumber party without me?”

He leans over Christopher on the bed to give Buck a kiss on the head. “How are you feeling?”

There’s a glimmer of truth there when Buck answers, “A little better now.”

“Carla made lasagna for dinner,” Christopher announces, sitting up in the bed and wiggling against the pillows until he’s settled against the headboard. “She said we should have dinner in bed tonight. Can we watch a movie?”

Buck quirks an eyebrow, clearly still trying to wake up all the way. “We don’t have a TV in here.”

“iPad,” Chris says simply, with a smile.

Out in the kitchen, a timer beeps. Eddie scoops Christopher up off the bed and places him on the floor. “Help me finish with dinner first. Only Buck gets to lounge around in bed all day. You still have chores.”

Christopher pulls a faces, purely for Buck’s sake given the snickers coming from the bed, before he follows Eddie back out.

A few minutes later though, he’s back, iPad in had and a smile on his face. Eddie follows, balancing three dinner plates in hand, surprised to see Buck sitting up against the headboard. He’s dosing again, head dipped down, chin resting against his chest, but the moment Christopher climbs up next to him, Buck blinks awake with a smile.

Eddie settles in on the other side of Buck, unsure how he ended up with the lumpy pillow and the skinny strip of mattress. It doesn’t matter though because Chris and Buck have figured out how to settle the iPad between them, perfectly balanced so they can watch and eat at the same time. What matters most is that as he eats and watches a movie, the lines of tension and pain and worry ease from Buck’s face. What matters is that Buck’s hand finds his, their fingers intertwining. What matters is that Buck falls asleep, Eddie easing the plate from his slack fingers while Chris giggles quietly. What matters is that night, Eddie sleeps in a quiet, peaceful house, Buck pressed to his side and Christopher sound asleep within arm’s reach.

And the world, at least for this night, leaves them alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Is there a warning for too many forehead kisses? Because I feel like maybe I should've warned for that. But Eddie Diaz kissing Evan Buckley on the forehead is like my second favorite thing in the universe so ...
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/cptmeatball)!


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